


Welcome to Reality

by livingwithmermaids



Series: Hinting At Something Different [208]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s01e21 Salvation, M/M, Possibly crazy Dean, Sad Dean, Unhealthy Relationship?, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 11:54:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4745387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livingwithmermaids/pseuds/livingwithmermaids
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean knew that Sam would never ever understand what he did for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to Reality

**Author's Note:**

> Season 1 episode 21 Salvation

Dean knew that Sam would never ever understand what he did for him.

Dean's know since he was young that there was a lot of intimacy between him and Sam compared to other siblings. While other big brothers would just give their little brothers quick hugs before going to their own classes, he and Sam would press up against each other and hug for minutes at a time, only parting when a teacher forced them apart with furrowed eyebrows and concerned eyes. He knew it was probably a bit unusual to people who didn't know about their family, but to them, it was just how it was.

He started having concerns when he would get jealous of Sam's girlfriends.

He didn't especially  _want_ to be in love with his brother, but he couldn't help it. Sam was just so beautiful, and sweet, and adorable. He used to spend hours daydreaming about his brother, only snapping back to cold reality when John would thrust a newspaper under his nose and tell him to read.

Dean knew from the moment he had his epiphany that he could never breath a word of it to anyone. He couldn't ever sleep in the same bed as Sam, or hold his hand, or kiss him goodnight. He had to stay in the real world and not get sucked into his own fantasies. He absolutely hated when Sam got all touchy-feely and would demand that they talk about  _feelings_ because is hurt so bad. 

No matter how hard he tried to bury his love for Sam, he still couldn't help needing approval from his brother. Sam didn't know, of course, but he still felt like he needed Sam to be proud of him. The feeling he got when Sam gave him his approval was how he pulled himself together when he felt like he was going to fall apart.

If he had a choice, he would stay in his fantasy world forever, just to make the ache stop.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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